Okay, so we're trapped in a crawlspace with a shitload of rats. Like I said, I decided to crawl out and call that bald man, Yozef the animal dude.

I must warn you now, it turns out those are not rats.

Are you sure you're ready for this?

Are you sure?


Here it comes!!!

Oh fuck, no you did not just say that.

This is actually a different screenshot - I had to make sure I capped that. Holy fucking shit, man, hamsters. I just... I cannot... wow. This game is its own parody. I thought Vamp in MGS2 was bad, but... wow. Oh, man. Hamsters. Deadly, poisonous hamsters. I am awestruck.

I honestly think that some writer snuck this part in when Kojima wasn't looking, just to apologize. "Okay, look, just pretend they're not *really* hamsters."

Oh fuck man, thank God I run this website, because if I had spent this much time on a videogame just to enjoy it and was met with... fucking hamsters. Shit.

That's fucking amazing, Yozef. Because I owned a hamster when I was seven and it was fine with being out in human sight.

I do feel obliged to warn you, that this is as fucked up as the game gets. The rest of the strategy guide doesn't contain as much insanity as you just witnessed.

Oh, don't get me wrong, the rest of the game is stupid.

It's just not hamster stupid.

By the way - actual IM conversation I had at the time of writing this:

Me (22:54:42): i just wrote a funny sentence
Me (22:54:50): "It's just not hamster stupid."
Miriam (22:54:55): haha

Wait, yours or the poison hamsters'? I can't believe I'm writing this shit.

The nation is secure with my crack team of spies.

And just to make this the stupidest thing ever, you can lure them out with your B3 rations (which contain cheese) - and the hamsters kill you in one hit if you let them. Did I mention we destroyed a helicopter earlier? And a hamst... you know, forget it. I'm done. Forget it.

Make it stop.