Chapter XXXVIII: Snake Hangs Around in the Basement Some More

When we last saw Snake, he got a cassette from a secret locker with Natasha's shape-shifting brooch. No, it's not Final Fantasy X4: We're Officially Out of Ideas by SquareEnix! It's Metal Gear 2! Another locker contains a little girl playing Hide and Seek. This game is fucking wrong.

The game says the cassette plays the Zanzibar national anthem, which is odd because most cassettes I have don't play a damn thing. That's why you buy... what are those things called? Oh yeah. CASSETTE PLAYERS.

In yet another annoyance, the game makes you switch elevators to go to floor B1. This isn't hard to do - it's just another way to throwaway my seemingly infinite supply of time.

Here, you'll find more crappy pitfalls and really, really crappy looking doors. Uh... why?

I got caught by guards, but lo and behold, I stole an O2 tank! Take that, you fucks! Now to shoot my way out with my booty! I meant the tank!

That door is guarded by a camera and three tripwires. Again, the tripwires don't really do anything, you just have to run up against them until they snap. That's some damn good security here. Why don't they make a Rubix cube lock? "We'll significantly delay any intruder by any means necessary."

All right! That room contained a Vienna sausage wrapped in green wrapping paper! Awesome!

Camoflauge?! What the fuck does this game thing I'm wearing! Er... I am wearing camoflauge, right?

Snake: "Well... it's green anyway."


Ah! A camoflauge mat! What the hell is that? Oh, this probably just a GI Joe sleeping bag or something!

Snake: "I thought Lady Scarlett was hot!"

Shut up, Snake. Note that this is the Phantom 07 model, which means... God knows what. Also, this is completely compatible with VRAM, which makes me think a writer got sleepy and started transcribing a catalogue for a personal computer.

You can also find the world's largest Uzi here.

Snake: "Bigger bullets mean bigger death!"

Sadly, the game runs out of space and crams as many letters in a ten characterspace as possible. No one who made this game had heard the word "Uzi" before?

What other crap lies down here?