Chapter XXXI: Natasha's Back-Story

Like all video game characters, Snake has no family. He's probably got a father killed by ninjas, a mother who died in a burning old-timey village, and a brother he doesn't know about, but will have to have a climactic fight to the death with. (Hey, wait a minute...)

Natasha: "And certainly not because I like to use phrases that no one else has heard of, like some Vocabulary Pope."

Natasha: "No, mail order husbands. I had to keep sending them back, like Columbia House."

"But it would have taken me away from this glamorous life of being followed into bathrooms, dodging Zambonis, and reminiscing about past loves while sitting in dukey water."

Well, she certainly doesn't sound like a bachelor dogmatist.

You fell in love with a Western named Frank Jaeger? Speaking of Jaeger, did you do a bunch of shots of it before speaking?

Snake must be a fucking psychic to have inferred that from the broken English Natasha is spewing.

Natasha: "Snake. I love man. Breakfast is flushing."

Snake: "Oh, so your first date with him was a Wendy's in New Jersery. Fascinating. Do go on."

The entirety of the West? Not even Mexico?

Natasha: "Something like, 'extradition laws' and 'illegal immigrant' and 'known terrorist'. I wasn't paying attention."

Solid Snake suddenly becomes an immigration expert. By the way, if someone ever tells you the tragic story of a love that never was, the proper response doesn't contain the nonchalant phrase: "Happens all the time."

So Natasha says, "The ice became cold" and Snake asks, "Ice?" But she says, "I was branded a Refyuznik" and Snake doesn't question that?

Snake: "Geopolitical agents and the status of NGO-types, I know all of them like the back of my hand. But that frozen water shit you speak of? I've no idea."

Natasha: "That metaphor is very, very appropriate, because once George Bush Sr. told Gorbachev to tear down the barrier between our love, and then I was beaten by an angry East German woman with a sledgehammer."

Fortunately, This Comes to an End.