Chapter XXVIII: Snake Gets Some Partners

When we last saw Solid Snake, he had talked to the man he was to rescue, Dr. Marv, but couldn't speak Marv's language. He met up with Natasha, because no one back at his headquarters could speak the language, either. Then again, this is the same army that couldn't even loan you a spare gun, so be thankful you're at least wearing a shirt.

Natasha shows you the elevator in the women's restroom. There might have been a couple of you who were distracted and didn't read that insane sentence. Yes, there is an elevator... IN A FUCKING BATHROOM in this game. You are not hallucinating.

Dear Game Designers, please take note. Having your main character admit there is something seriously fucked up and wrong in your game's logic and presentation, DOES NOT ACTUALLY FIX THAT WHICH IS SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP AND WRONG IN YOUR GAME'S LOGIC AND PRESENTATION!

Seriously, Konami. Did you think we'd all collectively say, "Well as long as Snake thinks it's fucking stupid, too, you don't have to fix it!" Next time, pull a programmer off your next incarnation of Parodius that no one will play and make a separate room with an elevator.

Natasha and you get to run through sewers and try to dodge invincible Zamboni machines. If Zanzibar had an army of these, they wouldn't even need Metal Gear!

And crap, a trap! What's with the booby-trapped underground tunnels? I'm sure this game is committing some Indiana Jones copyright infringement, and I'd inform George Lucas if he weren't too busy fucking up his own franchises.

Natasha and I take a rest in the "conveniently placed alleyway that's too small for the Zamboni machines to enter." I can't figure out what potential purpose these things could have, save for killing people foolish enough to use the women's restroom elevator.

Dr. Petrovich! You Dr. Wiley-lookin' motherfucker, you were in here the whole time! Now that you've got the doctor in tow, you can really kick some ass!

Snake: "And your butt looks great! Have you been working out?"

Petro: "You uncomfortably flirted with anything male or female in Zanzibar Land, too!"

Natasha thankfully interrupts this unnecessarily awkward scene. She's right... it's time to find more scientists!!!

Read More of the Snake/Petrovich Saga!!!